1. An old man was walking along the road. A car stopped near him and a got out of it. He asked the old man,
“Sir, shall I give you a lift?â€ÂÂÂ
The old man replied,
“No need I live on the ground floorâ€ÂÂÂ
2. Two pupils were fighting outside the examination hall. The teacher came out and said:
T : Why r u fighting?
S : Teacher, he left his answer sheet blank
T : Why should that bother you?
S : I too left my answer sheet blank
T : So…?
S : The teacher will think that we have copied from each other.
3. A : B, which is this crop in the farm?
B : This is cotton from which clothes are made.
A : Then when will shirts and pants grow on it?
4. Teacher : Why are you late?
Student : Because there was a sign which tells “School ahead, go slowâ€ÂÂÂ.
5. A : Why have you kept the newspaper in the fridge?
B : Because it is full of HOT NEWS.
6. Professor : What three words are the most used by college students?
Student : I don’t know.
Professor : Absolutely correct.
7. Conductor : Why are you getting an extra ticket?
Passenger : If I lose one ticket, the other would save me.
C : What would you do if you lose both?
P : I am not a fool. I have my bus pass.
C : ????????
8. Lady : The design of the sari is excellent. But the colour is not good.
Salesman : Don’t worry mam. The colour will disappear after the first wash.
9. Teacher : “I killed a personâ€ÂÂÂ, convert this sentence into future tense.
Student : The future tense “you will go to jailâ€ÂÂÂ.
10. Mother : Reena, tell me why does a bear have it’s body covered with hair?
Daughter : Actually Mom, there is no barber in the forest.
Cute jokes for all...
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Man & wife catch a thief.
Fat wife sat on thief's back, askd hsband 2 go get Police,
hsbnd was takin time 2 find his shoes.
Thief cried: O meri hi jutti pa jaa!
A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and
cries - "DOC, DOC...I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my
legs!!!
"Well of course you can't silly!", replies the Doc... "I've cut
off both of your arms."
Dil se bolu ek baat me sachchi,
Hum tum ek daal ke panchhi,
Dosti hamari ye hogi na kachchi,
Teri photo se to meri negative achchhi...
My Words Are Antibiotic, My Smile Is analgesic, My Touch Is Anti
Inflammatory, My Presence Is Antiseptic,My Feeling Is antipyretic. ..
Thats Why I Am Pharmacist.
Pahele TEJ BARIS ki tarah SMS aaye..
Fir RIMJIM SMS aaye..
Ab RUKRUK kar BUND BUND SMS aa rahe he..
kya aage AKAAL ane ki CHETAWANI to nahi?
Jb Apko uparwale Ne Banaya Hoga,
Tab Usko Bhi Bahut Maza Aya Hoga.
Hasi Di Bachon Wali,Surat Di Bholi Bhali,
Mizaz Diya Cool,or Dimaag gya bhul.
Uske pyar mein meri kismat jaag gyi,
Uske pyar mein meri kismat jaag gyi,
Maine usko itne khat likhe ki
woh postman ke saath bhag gayi..
Fat wife sat on thief's back, askd hsband 2 go get Police,
hsbnd was takin time 2 find his shoes.
Thief cried: O meri hi jutti pa jaa!
A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and
cries - "DOC, DOC...I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my
legs!!!
"Well of course you can't silly!", replies the Doc... "I've cut
off both of your arms."
Dil se bolu ek baat me sachchi,
Hum tum ek daal ke panchhi,
Dosti hamari ye hogi na kachchi,
Teri photo se to meri negative achchhi...
My Words Are Antibiotic, My Smile Is analgesic, My Touch Is Anti
Inflammatory, My Presence Is Antiseptic,My Feeling Is antipyretic. ..
Thats Why I Am Pharmacist.
Pahele TEJ BARIS ki tarah SMS aaye..
Fir RIMJIM SMS aaye..
Ab RUKRUK kar BUND BUND SMS aa rahe he..
kya aage AKAAL ane ki CHETAWANI to nahi?
Jb Apko uparwale Ne Banaya Hoga,
Tab Usko Bhi Bahut Maza Aya Hoga.
Hasi Di Bachon Wali,Surat Di Bholi Bhali,
Mizaz Diya Cool,or Dimaag gya bhul.
Uske pyar mein meri kismat jaag gyi,
Uske pyar mein meri kismat jaag gyi,
Maine usko itne khat likhe ki
woh postman ke saath bhag gayi..
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ar
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ar
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Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower...
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower...
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
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ar
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A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who
had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
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"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said
the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his
feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the
teacher with a sneer."Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to
see you standing up there all by yourself."
the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his
feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the
teacher with a sneer."Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to
see you standing up there all by yourself."
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted
for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The
elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"
years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted
for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The
elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day
of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said, "So, why is the
groom wearing black?"
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day
of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said, "So, why is the
groom wearing black?"
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A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced
enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a
pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to
his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the
package to find a book entitled - "The meaning of Dreams".
enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a
pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to
his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the
package to find a book entitled - "The meaning of Dreams".