Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!
A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible?
Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows
Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?"
He said, "Call for backup."
A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly?
The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!!
Cute jokes for all...
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Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes but you sight every woman.
Now who is Ravan??????? ?????????
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain..
Please tell them your age!!!!!!
Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush.
Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga , pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai.
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 maale se gir gaya tha
Banta: toh fir bach gaya ya mar gaya ?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupa do
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pehchan lega.
In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state (brilliant answer).
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football evry night
DR: take this tablet you will be ok
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final match.
Now who is Ravan??????? ?????????
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain..
Please tell them your age!!!!!!
Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush.
Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga , pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan milta hai.
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 maale se gir gaya tha
Banta: toh fir bach gaya ya mar gaya ?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupa do
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pehchan lega.
In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state (brilliant answer).
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football evry night
DR: take this tablet you will be ok
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final match.
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ar
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A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child.
When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had.
I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone.
"Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn't have?"
"It wasn't a boy," came the reply.
------------------------------------------------
My sister-in-law and I were pregnant at the same time. She went into labor, and my brother bundled her off to the hospital. A short time later, I arrived to keep him company, and he met me in the lobby. "Come back ," he said.
As we walked through the maternity ward, one patient gave my bulging figure a startled glance. "Will you look at, that!" we heard her exclaim to her roommate. "There he goes with another one!"
------------------------------------------------
Toward the end of my pregnancy, my doctor was called out of town. Right after he left, labour pains started and I headed for the hospital. Things progressed so quickly that I was never told who the attending doctor would be.
A stranger in scrub suit, gloves and mask rushed into the room, delivered the baby, and dashed back out.
My husband leaned over me, and asked in a whisper, "Who was that masked man?"
When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had.
I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone.
"Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn't have?"
"It wasn't a boy," came the reply.
------------------------------------------------
My sister-in-law and I were pregnant at the same time. She went into labor, and my brother bundled her off to the hospital. A short time later, I arrived to keep him company, and he met me in the lobby. "Come back ," he said.
As we walked through the maternity ward, one patient gave my bulging figure a startled glance. "Will you look at, that!" we heard her exclaim to her roommate. "There he goes with another one!"
------------------------------------------------
Toward the end of my pregnancy, my doctor was called out of town. Right after he left, labour pains started and I headed for the hospital. Things progressed so quickly that I was never told who the attending doctor would be.
A stranger in scrub suit, gloves and mask rushed into the room, delivered the baby, and dashed back out.
My husband leaned over me, and asked in a whisper, "Who was that masked man?"
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ar
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Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.
The Doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
And did he?
Yes! I had to sell the car to pay the bill.
Why Government does not allow a Man to Marry 2 Women ?
Because as per the Constitution, you cannot be PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.
The Doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
And did he?
Yes! I had to sell the car to pay the bill.
Why Government does not allow a Man to Marry 2 Women ?
Because as per the Constitution, you cannot be PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.
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- Contact:
Munna Bhai: Yaar kutte puch kyu hilate hai?Bole toh Dog Tail Shaking
why
yaar..
Circuit: Common Sense bhai! Ab puch to kutte ko hila nai sakti na!
Its funny when people discuss over
Love marriage and arranged marriage
It is like asking a person if he would
Like to “hang himself†or “shoot himselfâ€ÂÂÂ.
Osama to big B: How are you??
Big B: Bas kabhi khushi kabhi gham. And you?
Osama: Bas kabhi gola kabhi bum.
My pick:
Sardar ki maa: Puttar tujhe yahan se jalandhar jane me to ek din laga
par
wapas aane me 3 din lag gae wo bhi nai car se?
Sardar: Maa yeh car banane wale bhi pagal hai jane ke liye to 4 gear
dete
hai par aane ke liye 1 hi gear dete hai.
Police constable 2 his son: Tumahra result achha nahi aaya.
Aaj se tumhara khelna aur tv dekhna band.
Son: Acha ye 50 rupye pakro aur mamla khattam karo.
Larka lerki se : Janeman is dil mein chali aao
Lerki : Sandle utaron kya?
Larka : Stupid ye mandir nahi hai ayse hi aa jao
Sales man : Sir, which shaving cream do u use ?
Customer : Kumar’s.
S.M : Which after shave do y use ?
C : Kumar’s.
S.M : Which tooth paste do u use ?
C : Kumar’s ?
S.M : Which shampoo do u use ?
C : Kumar’s.
S.M : Sir , what is this kumar’s is it an international company ?
C : No, he is my room mate.
Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
Sardarji ( to doctor ) : ‘Doctor, I have a problem.’
Doctor : ‘What’s your problem?’
Sardarji : ‘I keep forgetting things.’
Doctor : ‘Since when do you have this problem?’
Sardarji : ‘What problem?’
why
yaar..
Circuit: Common Sense bhai! Ab puch to kutte ko hila nai sakti na!
Its funny when people discuss over
Love marriage and arranged marriage
It is like asking a person if he would
Like to “hang himself†or “shoot himselfâ€ÂÂÂ.
Osama to big B: How are you??
Big B: Bas kabhi khushi kabhi gham. And you?
Osama: Bas kabhi gola kabhi bum.
My pick:
Sardar ki maa: Puttar tujhe yahan se jalandhar jane me to ek din laga
par
wapas aane me 3 din lag gae wo bhi nai car se?
Sardar: Maa yeh car banane wale bhi pagal hai jane ke liye to 4 gear
dete
hai par aane ke liye 1 hi gear dete hai.
Police constable 2 his son: Tumahra result achha nahi aaya.
Aaj se tumhara khelna aur tv dekhna band.
Son: Acha ye 50 rupye pakro aur mamla khattam karo.
Larka lerki se : Janeman is dil mein chali aao
Lerki : Sandle utaron kya?
Larka : Stupid ye mandir nahi hai ayse hi aa jao
Sales man : Sir, which shaving cream do u use ?
Customer : Kumar’s.
S.M : Which after shave do y use ?
C : Kumar’s.
S.M : Which tooth paste do u use ?
C : Kumar’s ?
S.M : Which shampoo do u use ?
C : Kumar’s.
S.M : Sir , what is this kumar’s is it an international company ?
C : No, he is my room mate.
Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
Sardarji ( to doctor ) : ‘Doctor, I have a problem.’
Doctor : ‘What’s your problem?’
Sardarji : ‘I keep forgetting things.’
Doctor : ‘Since when do you have this problem?’
Sardarji : ‘What problem?’
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ar
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- Posts: 6666
- Joined: Feb 17, 2007
- Location: Pakistan, Lahore
- Contact:
1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip
*************************************************************
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards .
*************************************************************
3. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
*************************************************************
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
*************************************************************
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
*************************************************************
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
*************************************************************
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
*************************************************************
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
*************************************************************
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
*************************************************************
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder
Dhoti with a zip
*************************************************************
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards .
*************************************************************
3. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
*************************************************************
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
*************************************************************
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
*************************************************************
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
*************************************************************
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
*************************************************************
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
*************************************************************
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
*************************************************************
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder
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ar
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- Posts: 6666
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- Contact:
What is the difference between men and women?
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
*******
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
*******
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
*******
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
*******
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
*******
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
*******
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
*******
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
*******
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
*******
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
*******
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
*******
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
*******
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
*******
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
*******
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
*******
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
*******
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
*******
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
*******
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
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ar
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Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
This train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
The game went into extra time.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
Commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have
A scotch and soda."
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in Two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the Field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
This train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
The game went into extra time.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
Commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have
A scotch and soda."
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in Two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the Field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
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Santa Singh was traveling by train without a ticket. When he saw the T.C (Banta singh) coming he thought of an excuse which he had heard from other people, that is, ministers can travel free. So when Banta came and asked Santa for his ticket, he said ‘Oye! asi minister’ (I'm a minister). Banta asked him ‘Oye! tusi kade Minister’ (which minister). Santa couldn’t think of any minister except Mrs. Indira Gandhi, so he said ‘Oy! asi Indira Gandhi’. Immediately Banta caught Santa's feet for blessing and said ‘Oye! asi bauth sunya, Oye! asi bauth padya, aaj dhek leya’(I heard a lot about you, I read a lot about you and my luck, I saw you today).
One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa crying.
Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?
Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my finger.
After hearing this Banta also starts crying.
Santa: Banta, why are you crying?
Banta: I'm here for urine test!
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops. However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person goes into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was singing a song.After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again.
Banta Singh : Santa Singh, what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down?
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
One day, Banta goes to the clinic, and he finds his friend Santa crying.
Banta: Santa, Why are you crying?
Santa: The doctors are going to take my blood test by cutting my finger.
After hearing this Banta also starts crying.
Santa: Banta, why are you crying?
Banta: I'm here for urine test!
One day, Banta, along with his two friends, one being Polish and the other being an American go to the police station to get jobs as cops. However, they would have to answer only one question. The Polish person goes into the room.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Polish: The Catholics.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
The American goes next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
American: The Jews.
Detective: Good answer. In an hour or so, we'll tell you if you got the job.
Banta is next.
Detective: Who killed Jesus?
Banta: You have to give me more time. Can I tell you tomorrow?
Detective: Sure, take as much time as you want.
Banta then goes home and he finds his wife making dinner.
Wife: How did your interview go, sweetheart.
Banta: It went very well. I'm on my very first murder case.
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was singing a song.After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again.
Banta Singh : Santa Singh, what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down?
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.