Ingredients:
- * 3 tablespoons, Iraqi extra virgin oil [no olives]
* A "sea" of crude oil (and the necessary no-bid contracts to protect it)
* Misinformation and disinformation (including Iraqi mushroom [clouds] and 9/11 Saddam [pork] links)
* Shock 'n awe-tichoke cruise missiles and B-1 bombers (in quantity)
* 130,000 American troops (Army Chief of Staff Gen. Eric Shinseki suggested that, for this victory stew, "several hundred thousand" American troops were needed, but he was hustled out of the kitchen.)
* 1 head of Saddam Hussein
Spices:
- * 1 bunch, coalition of the dilling, finely chopped
* 1 cup, Congressional authorization for war
* 2 sprigs of Iraqi exiles
* Embedded reporters (to taste)
* Dough for accompanying Iraqi flatbread, $50-60 million worth (Top Bush economic advisor Larry Lindsey suggested that $200 billion might be a more reasonable figure, but he, too, was promptly ousted from the kitchen.)
* Flower petals (edible and in season)
To prepare:
- 1. In a heavy casserole, heat extra virgin Iraqi oil over a medium flame.
2. Add disinformation (mushrooms and links) and saute until brown; repeat process. (You cannot repeat too many times.)
3. Add sprigs of Iraqi exiles.
4. Pour in cup of Congressional authorization for war. Stir vigorously as this tends to evaporate.
5. Pour in sea of crude oil. Raise heat to high. Quickly add shock 'n awe-tichoke cruise missiles and B-1 bombers. Cover tightly and bring to a boil. (If this "decapitation" cooking process works and you suddenly find yourself with the head of Saddam Hussein, add it as well.)
6. Stir in 130,000 American troops. Grind in embedded reporters (to taste). Add chopped coalition of the dilling. Bring back to a boil.
7. Cover, lower the heat, and simmer, stirring periodically, for three weeks.
Remove to a platter. Serve piping hot, otherwise "stuff happens." If possible, hire Shiite waiters to strew edible flower petals atop the victory stew at the table for dramatic effect.