Humor from Great Minds

[genial.soul]

“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...â€ÂÂ￾
Sir Norman Wisdom



“One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.â€ÂÂ￾
Edgar Watson Howe



“A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!â€ÂÂ￾
Doug Larson



“A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!â€ÂÂ￾
Eric Bolton



“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.â€ÂÂ￾
Erno Philips



“ I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.â€ÂÂ￾
Robert Paul



“ We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.â€ÂÂ￾
Phyllis Diller



“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.â€ÂÂ￾
Victor Borge



“Start every day with a smile and get it over with.â€ÂÂ￾
W.C. Fields



“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.â€ÂÂ￾
Will Rogers



“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.â€ÂÂ￾
Mickey Rooney



“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.
Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.â€ÂÂ￾
Tim Allen



“If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.â€ÂÂ￾
Rita Rudner



“I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.â€ÂÂ￾
Woody Allen



“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.â€ÂÂ￾
Erica Jong



“Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.â€ÂÂ￾
Elbert Hubbard



“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.â€ÂÂ￾
Wendell Johnson



“In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.â€ÂÂ￾
Joey Adams



“I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.â€ÂÂ￾
Henry Youngman


“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born ?â€ÂÂ￾
Benny Hill